Alexander Sanchez
04/26/10

Revision
Dear Prof. Mcormick,

In my paper one there were many mistakes that I could fix such as, grammar, spelling, word agreement, and punctuation. I could say my biggest mistake was I didn’t use enough resources. In my paragraph two I felt like I didn’t go deep into my research, I could have explained better why in commercials you never see Ronald McDonald eat McDonald products. I also think I should have gotten into how McDonald’s products are produced, mentioning from animal brutality to farmers rights. I could have also mentioned some statistics from website about obesity because of McDonalds. To make my paper more interesting I could have pointed out some lawsuits against McDonalds such as, the famous case were these two overweight women sue McDonalds. They sue McDonalds because they claimed that McDonalds was all they saw when young,and that’s what they became accustomed to eat. Additionally, what I missed in the end that I bet I lost point on was I didn’t mention my word cited. Am delighted that we are talking about our health and foods, some people don’t see the importance of healthy eating including myself before I toke this class.

Sincerely,
Alexander Sanchez